The Grieving Mother

When my first daughter, Cae’ly was diagnosed with breast cancer in August 2015, it was a complete shock. She had just gone through thyroid surgery the December before for thyroid cancer and was told she was all cleared. Her and her husband Randy had just come over the night before, so excited that they were going to have another baby. The next morning our world changed with the diagnosis of breast cancer. How could this be? She was so young. She had nursed her first child. She was pregnant!

As a mother, you are supposed to be able to fix everything for your children. How was I going to fix this? Please don’t think for one minute that I am looking for sympathy. This was never about my feelings. It was just a mother trying to help her child. My poor little girl who was a mother of her own was going to be facing some very difficult challenges.

I will never forget the moment when we walked into the surgeon’s office and he told her of her diagnosis. She was strong. Strong for herself but stronger for the baby she carried. (I will let her tell you about that moment.) So, I knew that I had to be stronger for the both of them. I tried my best not to cry in front of her, but boy did I cry! I am blessed to have my best friend as my husband. We knew that with our faith, we were going to get through this and was going to be there for our daughter, her husband, her little girl, and her unborn child. We are also blessed with a very close family.

Dwayne’s sister Dawn is Cae’ly’s godmother and a very special person to our whole family. She has a great deal of medical back-ground and played a great role in getting Cae’ly the right medical care. She was there not only for Cae’ly but everyone else in the family. I had many partners to cry with.

My grief came with the diagnosis of something I didn’t understand. Even though I had worked in a hospital for years and saw so many treated for different kinds of cancer, I really did not understand cancer. How was I going to go back to school and teach with a bright-cheery disposition when my baby girl had cancer? My students know that I greet them at the door daily with a smile and singing. Won’t they see through me? Wouldn’t everyone see through me?

After the initial shock, I knew that I had to go back to find the answers. My faith. I prayed. Praying comes natural for me because I truly try to walk with the Lord every day. I pray all day long. I pray for my husband, my family, my friends, my students, people I don’t know that needs prayer, the world and all the people in it. So, it was natural to pray for my daughter with this new obstacle. I did pray for her healing but I prayed for God’s will to be done. Whatever that maybe, I prayed that I could accept His will.

Once I got my feet back under me, and my prayers became my medicine, my grief was no longer as heavy. I am not saying that I no longer cried, but when I did it was like a cleansing that removed any negative thoughts and allowed the words of my prayers to only become stronger. Little did I know that my prayers would be needed for another daughter with cancer.

Until next time, Stay Strong and Be at Peace!